Hand Grenades and Cupcakes

The other day Noodle came home with a goodie bag from a in-school party where the boy had brought cupcakes. This is standard issue since the school, due to liability issues and food allergies, to be made at home. However, Noodle is lactose intolerant, vegan, and doesn't eat or drink any animal products. What's a main ingredient in cupcake? MILK. But does this register with the liability-minded preschool? NO. This would have been about the fifth time they've given to her stuff that isn't vegan. So I told the school several times, and they finally said, just write down everything she can't have. I'm thinking that this list would be ridiculously long, so I simplify it. NO meats, milk, dairy of any kind, eggs, gelatin, or animal by-products. Popcorn has butter on it, but if butter isn't on the list, they don't really seem to register that butter is made from milk and dairy stuff. Margarine. But margarine has whey which is an animal by-product. So now I have to put margarine on the list. Gummy worms. Gelatin is on the list, but perhaps these teachers don't know that gelatin is made from boiled bones and used to be made from nasty horse stuff. Okay, so let's put gummy treats on the list. Either way, the teachers didn't seem to really fully comprehend what exactly it means to be vegan. So I had to explain that to them. Take for example, Didi, who had a medical professional ask her if the green bracelet she was wearing was for the Boston Celtics. Um, no. It's "Vegan". "Oh, is that what vegetarians are calling themselves these days?" "No, but obviously anybody can call themself a medical professional." Okay, okay...so Didi didn't say that, but still. Idiot. Back to the goodie bag. So not only did the Noodle ingest copious amounts of animal products that day, she also brought home a goodie bag. And what's inside this goodie bag? Boy stuff, so they say. A water hand grenade. Now, some of you may be saying, come on, chill out. It's just a toy. But's that's exactly what pisses me off about it. Weapons of destruction are not toys. Killing is not a game. And to teach young children, especially boys, with the excuse that it's just for fun, totally produces the same students I come across in my high school classes that say things like, "Well if we just bomb the hell out of the country, then they won't be around to mess with us." I hate it. And I realize that my early tendencies to be completely unsympathetic to war and those involved in war had a lot to do with my easy access to toy guns and the way I played "fight" games with my brother. I even had a BB-gun. I shot things I probably shouldn't have shot, because I was testing out my power of destruction. Sure, I think I turned out alright, but I know issues lurk in the corner of my mind. These things permeate every aspect of every day. I had army men, who used to take up my waking hours with my incessant strategery (thank you, G.W.) on how to dominate the Nazi army men I had. Why would they make such toys? Noodle opened this water hand grenade and said, "but it's just a toy." This horrified me. Two reasons why. First, I never wanted to hear her say these things because I want her to grow up to be a loving and compassionate human being. Secondly, my Appa was killed in a "friendly exercise" with a hand grenade. We explained to her that these things weren't toys, and that killing isn't a game. I then threw it away. This was weeks ago. But the thought of that hand grenade still haunts me, just as my war games did when I was a child. Bang, bang, my baby shot me down.

Baby Blues For Daddies, Too

Postpartum Depression Hits Dads, Too By Ed Edelson HealthDay ReporterMon Aug 7, 7:02 PM ET MONDAY, Aug. 7 (HealthDay News) -- Almost as many new fathers as mothers suffer depression after the birth of a child, a new study shows. About 14 percent of mothers and 10 percent of fathers showed signs of moderate or severe postpartum depression, according to the study, which followed more than 5,000 members of two-parent families. "There have been a few small studies in the last two years showing this, but nothing has been known on a national basis," said study leader James F. Paulson, an assistant professor of pediatrics and psychology and behavioral sciences at the Eastern Virginia Medical School Center for Pediatric Research. The findings are published in the August issue of Pediatrics. New parents who participated in the study filled out questionnaires and were interviewed to determine whether they showed symptoms of depression. Their relationships with their children were determined by questioning such practices as breast-feeding, putting the child to bed on his or her back, and whether the parents read to, played peek-a-boo with or sang to the child. "What we found in this study is that basic day-to-day interactions were impaired in fathers, just as they were in mothers," Paulson said. "Also, basic activities were impaired." Pediatricians should make a greater effort to identify postpartum depression in both mothers and fathers, Paulson said. "Pediatricians, in general, may be in the best position to catch depression, but they don't often do it," he said, adding he's now doing a study to look at patterns of screening for postpartum depression. Dr. William Coleman is a professor of pediatrics at the University of North Carolina and chairman of the American Academy of Pediatrics committee on the psychosocial aspects of child and family health. "Physicians do a very poor job asking about or detecting postpartum blues in the mother, and they may not even see the father," he said. "They might detect the mother's feelings, but may not even ask the father." Fathers usually feel elation after a birth, Coleman said, but that feeling of "engrossment" can fade away, depending on family circumstances. That can happen "if the mother is very, very controlling and wants the baby all to herself," Coleman said. "Also, fathers can experience frustration, sexual and emotional, if they forget to remember that the wife is not interested in sex at that time. If the wife is very motherly and maternal, he might feel kind of useless, on the periphery." Depression in a father leads to a well-known pattern of behavior, Coleman said. "He tends to work longer, to watch sports more, to drink more and be solitary," he said. One problem in detecting postpartum depression in fathers is that "pediatricians are not told to inquire about adult issues," Coleman said. "It is a silent game." Yet, it's important to detect postpartum depression in a father for the sake of the child's long-term outlook, Paulson said. "Based on what we know of mothers' postpartum depression, it is associated with health problems later on, not only emotional problems and difficulties adjusting to school but also basic health problems," he said.

Money Not an Issue?

This article was posted on Reuters. See my comments interspersed. Parents buy cashmere for infants and toddlers By Chelsea Emery Three-year-old Chloe Colligan picks out her camp clothes at discount retailer Target, but for other occasions, she wears the cashmere, velvet, silk and woven cotton fashions of luxury children's clothing maker Baby CZ. Some of the items range from $84 for pants to $215 for a sweater. I don't even spend that much on my own clothes. Her mother, 37-year-old Cleveland entrepreneur Victoria Colligan, isn't alone in her choice of expensive fabrics and styling for infants and toddlers. As couples wait longer to have children and raise smaller families on higher salaries, they are spending more on their kids. A lot more. "I don't have the time to search for discounts and bargains," said Colligan, a founder of Ladies Who Launch, an organization that provides resources for women business owners. "I don't have time to search for that one cute thing in a really ugly store. And you know you're getting quality when you go to these higher-end places." Is this woman serious? No you're not. Just because it costs more doesn't mean it's better. She's stupid. I'm guessing where I shop must be a "really ugly store" since I like bargains. As parents grow busier, older and wealthier, companies are jumping into the fancy baby clothes market. Media conglomerate Walt Disney Co. is teaming up with a clothing manufacturer to introduce luxury baby merchandise featuring its famous cartoon characters. Meanwhile, children's clothing chain Gymboree Corp. is expanding its high-end offerings for infants, a population known more for spitting up than for fancy dress balls. This is why I don't shop at Gymboree The market for expensive baby fashions and accessories is booming, according to Michael Silverstein, vice president of Boston Consulting Group. He estimates the high-end baby market at $45 billion, growing at a 10 percent annual rate over the last decade. Over the past 30 years, the average family size has dropped to about 3.2 people, from 3.6 people, while inflation-adjusted family incomes have risen 50 percent, according to Boston Consulting's analysis of U.S. census data. And the number of first-time mothers age 40 and older has tripled in the decade that ended in 1997, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. All these dynamics are helping offset a financial crunch caused by rising interest rates and fears about job security as well as the higher energy prices. "We see a growing population and that bodes well for infant apparel," said Matt Nitowski, a director for global franchise management at Disney's consumer products unit. He added that he saw no direct risks to the luxury segment's growth. DISNEY, GYMBOREE Disney, known for its movies and theme parks, has contracted with premium infant clothing maker Icky Baby to make $90 cashmere rompers that are being pitched to high-end department stores like Saks Inc. Thank God Disney is getting into the high-end market. I mean, their tourist shirts at Disney World just weren't expensive enough. Nordstrom Inc. and Bloomingdale's have already agreed to carry part of Icky Baby's Disney line, which includes items like $50 baby towels and $45 side-snap organic cotton T-shirts. Just what I needed! A $50 towel to wipe off the water. I swear, those Target towels just weren't cutting it. "People are spending more and they want their kids to look good," said Kate Somerset, president of Icky Products. "We play into that trend." I'm glad someone is telling us how much to spend on our babies and kids. Now we can set them up to expect that BMW on their 16th birthday. Disney spent two years developing the products featuring Bambi, Pinocchio and Mickey Mouse, among other characters, and hopes to parlay their global recognition into strong sales. Winnie the Pooh, which isn't being used in the high-end lines, already generates more than $6 billion in global annual retail sales for the company. Meanwhile, Gymboree is almost tripling the number of its Janie and Jack stores, which carry $38 hand-embroidered cardigans and $48 cowboy boots for ages 1 through 5. "The sales are fantastic," Chief Executive Matthew McCauley said of the Janie and Jack stores. Besides the higher incomes of many U.S. residents, tabloids touting the fashions of celebrities' babies have contributed to demand for the highest-quality infant apparel. And you know we all want to mimic celebrities as role model parents. "People have to have the latest style and the greatest outfit," said McCauley, whose company also owns the mid-priced Gymboree clothing stores and the Gymboree Music & Play programs. He would not provide sales figures, but said there are enough U.S. families making more than $100,000 annually to support 15 new Janie and Jack stores a year until they reach 200 from the current base of 70. But what happens when an 18-month-old spits up on his or her cashmere sweater? "It's a little bit of a misconception that something is uncleanable or unwearable if something happens to it," said Colligan, who also has a 2-year-old daughter named Somerset. "I can find a way to clean anything." I'm glad she can clean anything. By the way, where is her husband?

Anti Panty Vigilante

thanks to Didi and her friends who came up with that term. I was never a nudist. In fact, I rarely hung around my house with just my underwear on. Oh those were the good ole days, when I liked to be covered. Then I got married, and I got naked. I walk around the house naked, shower naked, and eat naked. That is until we got the Noodle. Now I'm not one to cover up, and you can read about my annoyance with people who tend to be Western in their sensibility of nudity here, but having a Noodle around means you cover up more often. When she was little, I didn't mind so much being naked around her, but now I cover up. And now she doesn't. Example #1: The instant we walk in the door when we get home from preschool she takes off her shoes, her socks, her shorts, and her undies. Not her shirt. Then she proceeds to ask for a snack, which she'll eat with her naked butt sitting on the cold tile floor, watching Dragon Tales or whatever show it is on PBS Kids that afternoon. Example #2: If she is wearing panties, she'll take them off as soon as she can. That means basically any time we're at home. She has an aversion to wearing clothes around the house, but I'm putting a stop to it, by trying to encourage her to at least wear panties. This seems to be working, as she'll now sit in her panties, eating dumplings while watching Maya and Miguel. This brings me to my next thought. Where does she get this from? When Noodle was a wee one, we used to sit around and say things like, "Oh she gets that from me, isn't that cute?" Eyes - Me Nose - Me Mouth - Didi Hair - Didi Eating habits - Me Etc, etc, etc. Nowadays its an argument of "Oh, she gets that from YOU!" Stubborness - You. No, you! Sassiness -You. No, you again! So you see, for those who have little ones, once they grow up to be independent thinking creatures, you'll find yourself seeing your spouses little annoyances in them. But don't blame your spouse. After all, you're the one who married them.

Mu Shu or You

Last night we picked up Chinese food from our favorite place and headed on over to my parents' house for some catching up. We normally see them once a week, but we hadn't seen them in a few weeks because of our schedules. On the ride over, Noodle had a little bout of gas. Instead of saying "excuse me" like she normally does, she let three juicy toots out, and then proceeded to giggle. Then comes the clincher. Noodle: I farted! Me and Didi: Say excuse me! Noodle: Okay, excuse me. Pause Noodle: I smell my fart! Me: Oh yeah? Does it smell good? Noodle: Yeah! Woohoo! This is after Noodle has mentioned that the Chinese food in the car smells real good and that she's hungry. The Mu Shu in the back and the Lo Mein were making me smell all kinds of wondorous things together. I couldn't tell if that was Noodle's gas or the Chinese food. After all, she did say her farts smell good. Noodle: I can smell the Chinese food all the way back here. The Chinese food was in the back with Noodle, less than a foot away. Noodle: I'm real hungry! Me: I know, but we'll be at Grandma's and Grandpa's house soon. Noodle: But it's taking a long time. I don't like it when it takes a long time. Car conversation with Noodle are becoming more and more interesting. I don't know if the conditions just make Noodle more talkative, but whatever the reason, she likes to talk a lot in the car. Since she sits in the back seat, she always thinks we're not talking to her, so she talks loudly and constantly. She doesn't like to sit back there because she feels left out, and last night she let us know it. Noodle (holding her fingers in her ears): Hello, my name is Noodle. I'm ignoring you! I want you talk to me! These moments make me laugh, and sometimes it is hard to drive because she's making such odd comments or saying hilarious things. Driving can be hazardous with a comedian the back seat. I don't recommend it, I'd prefer a mime. For example, on this same ride (this ride normally takes 15 minutes) she said the following: Noodle: If you go to Devin you die. Me (thinking she means the devil): Who is Devin? Noodle: It's a country where people go and die. So beware, don't buy tickets to Devin. The good thing is that they don't require a passport to enter.

Large Fleshy Mounds of Milk

The cover says "Why women don't nurse longer." Hmmm...well let's see. What exactly is America's reaction to breastfeeding in public? Reactions to the cover: "I was SHOCKED to see a giant breast on the cover of your magazine," one woman from Kansas wrote in reaction to the picture in Babytalk, a free magazine that caters to young mothers. "I was offended and it made my husband very uncomfortable when I left the magazine on the coffee table." I wonder if her husband is uncomfortable with his Maxim magazine subscription? "Gross, I am sick of seeing a baby attached to a boob," the mother of a four-month-old said. God, I know. It's almost as bad as a baby attached to a pacifier. Shut up baby, why don't you? Another reader said she was "horrified" when she received the magazine and hoped that her husband hadn't laid eyes on it. "I had to rip off the cover since I didn't want it laying around the house," she said. Thank god her husband didn't see it. He might have asked what it was since he hasn't seen one in years. "I immediately turned the magazine face down." I'm sure that did the trick. Oh wait, is that a advertisement for body cream on the back cover! Don't let your husband see those naked legs! One mother who didn't like the cover explains she was concerned about her 13-year-old son seeing it. "I shredded it," said Gayle Ash, of Belton, Texas, in a telephone interview. "A breast is a breast — it's a sexual thing. He didn't need to see that." Yeah, that's all breasts are. Breasts are sexual, which is why you probably didn't let your son ever taste your nipple. You know, that would be sexual to have your baby sucking your nipple. Bad boy! IDIOTS!!! We were in a restaurant once and the man at the table next to me told his wife to go to the bathroom to feed the baby because the baby was crying. I wanted to tell him that if he was so insecure about people seeing his wife's breast, then he should probably also stop staring at the waitress with the low cut blouse. In a day when breastfeeding is free, healthy, and encouraged by ALL healthcare professionals, it's pathetic to see such outcry over a damn picture. Sometimes I watch a woman breastfeed in public, not because I'm staring at her breasts, but because it's totally cool to see a woman unfazed by others. Rock on. Maybe they should have a nipple fest breastfeeding at the offices of Babytalk magazine in support of the cover. For their part, the magazine says they aren't shying away just because people are uproarious over this image. Good for them. BREAST IS BEST

Put what in your pocket?

Noodle: Daddy, what's a "Polly Cock it?" Me: What? Do you mean Polly Pocket? Noodle: No, Madison said she had a Polly Cockit. Me: Well, whatever you do, don't put it in your pocket then. Noodle: Hehehe

Does Noodle eat noodles?

Dumplings. Noodle has been scarfing these things down like they're going out of style. She first had some that I'd boiled in my soup. Then, she came back for another, and another, and another. The next day, she asked me to make her noodles and dumplings. The next day, she asked me to make her dumplings. So now I have to go buy more dumplings. Here's the problem, the closest Korean market is 30 minutes away. It's hot in my black car, and I hate going that far for just one thing. So now I have to think about stuff to buy to make the trip worth it. But, I'm trying not to spend much money anyway. So last night, who joined in on the dumpling massacre? Didi. The self professed picky eater, is now eating dumplings. While I laud both Noodle and Didi for becoming more adventurous eaters, it's causing problems. Noodle is becoming a food snob. I guess I should try making them, but I'm not a good Asian chef who knows how to do this stuff. Heck, I didn't even own a pair of chopsticks until I got into college.